Archive for the ‘In Memory of Nanay’ Category

As I look back, it was 3 years ago to this day that we (the hubs, the kiddies, Nanay and I) came back from a 3 week visit to the Philippines.  Our intentions were to leave Nanay behind so that she can have someone look after her 24/7.  Since I had to work, there was no one here to take care of Nanay and we all felt that she would be well taken care of back home (Philippines).  Well, it didn’t turn out as planned because Nanay’s health had gotten worse while we were in the Philippines.  Although she would have been taken to the best facilities in Manila, there was just no way I could have left her behind in that condition.  Well, as soon as we arrived from SFO, I immediately called her doctor to explain the situation with Nanay.  She told us to immediately bring her to ER.  That one visit to the ER that afternoon of our arrival turned into a month’s stay at the hospital.  Come to think of it, we were at he hospital every single day.  The kiddies were still on vacation but I recall days where I couldn’t go into work or I came in late . . .  I think it was a week or so that we found out that Nanay had cancer and that she was at stage 4.  How could we have not known?  We just didn’t . . . . we thought she was in the clear after her lumpectomy 5 years prior.  I’d take Nanay to her doctor appointments (some of them she didn’t want to go but somehow she gave in), but never did we even think that she would have rectal cancer.  Nanay never complained of any pain so it was difficult to gauge what was really going on inside her.  So, yes, it’s been 3 years today and come September 1st, it would be Nanay’s 3rd death anniversary.  All I can think of right now is how much I miss her . . . .


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Yesterday while at the store, I was thinking of what ice-cream bars to get as we already had two of those Breyer ice-cream cartons at home.  While looking at the different frozen confections, I saw the box of the sidewalk sundae and I remembered how that was Nanay’s favorite ice-cream bars.  Whenever we were at 7/11 or those “mom & pop” stores, she’d always want a sidewalk sundae.  There are so many things that will always remind me of Nanay . . . this being one of them . . . I guess I’m getting a bit melancholy because three years ago this day we were in the Philippines.  We didn’t know whether we would leave her behind to be cared by my uncle and relatives . . . but her health got worse so we made the decision to bring her back home with us after a 3 week stay in the Philippines. . . as mentioned in my previous blog, little did we know that she would be called “home” on September 1st (2005). . . so Nanay, this sidewalk ice-cream bar is for you! 

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Aside from today being “Good Friday,” this “day” will always remind me that it was on a Good Friday back in 2000 that Nanay had a quadruple by-pass.  Eight years has passed and it’ll be 3 years come September that she left us.  I remember the pain that she went through after the surgery. . . recovering from it was the hardest for her considering at that time Nanay was 78 years old.  Just before she had her surgery, Nanay was starting to “snap” out of her depression, not completely but she showed some improvement;  however, days and weeks that followed the surgery, Nanay started slipping back into her depression.  It was during this period of my life that “life” became difficult for not just me but my family.  Eventually we “learned” to deal and cope with Nanay’s illness but it did take a toll on everyone around her.  Nanay would have been 86 years old next month.

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misc-610b.jpgAC! Yup! AC is under the weather. When we picked AC up from her school dance she attended Friday night, she was complaining about her throat and that she didn’t enjoy the dance partly because she started feeling bleh. Her BFF, Leah was apparently sick already (but I think she told her mom she “wasn’t” so that she can attend the dance . . . ). I wanted to make AC home-made chicken soup (Hearty Chicken Soup) so after meeting with the owners of Stella yesterday, I went to Farmers Joe’s to buy the needed ingredients and more oranges! I even made a quick stop to La Farine bakery and bought a cookie! While I was making the soup, the hubs asked me why was it that when he was sick, misc-602b.jpgall he had was the chicken noodle soup from the can. Which was true! I guess I just didn’t feel like making it. So there . . . while we were all eating the soup, the hubs wouldn’t let up. He kept on comparing the taste of the home-made chicken soup vs. the canned soup. BTW . . . I think the last time I made this soup was for Nanay. It was the last food that I made for her. This “soup” will always remind me of Nanay; however, the only difference this time is that I added elbow macaroni noodles.

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“Can You Hear Me?”

Nanay, where are you.
Are you down on earth or in the sky?
So much has changed.
Why’d you have to die?

Our family misses you
in every single way
all my feelings are caught inside
Can I have another day?

If I can go to Heaven
and see you smile once more
to have your love,confidence,and compassion
Can you open the door?

I’m lonely in my room
there’s no one next to me
I pray and try to be comforted
But sadness is all I see.

We know you’re watching over
us from all sides
you’re with God everywhere
Please don’t let us cry.

I know that mom is hurt
because you are her mom
but I do love my family
I hope she’s becoming strong.

From this day on
remember we won’t forget
you are with us everyday
and we’ll keep our memories spent.

Please just know
I have so much to say
You are our hero
You’re amazing in every way.

We love you
with all of our heart
you’re not gone away
you’re still a huge part…


 The poem you have just read was written by AC for her Religion Class.  She had sent it to me via at work this afternoon which I had shared with some of my co-workers, and now I’m sharing it with you.  Of course after reading it, I got all teary-eyed because I know that AC still misses and will forever miss her “Nanay.”  (the word “Nanay” means “mother” in Tagalog . . . both kiddies ended up calling her “Nanay” instead of “Lola” when growing up only because they would hear the hubs and I calling her that.  Those two have shared a very special bond . . one that will AC keep so very close to her heart. Lastly, the picture of AC above was taken when she was in the 6th grade . . . the year Nanay died on 9/01/05.



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As I was checking out what was “new” with WordPress, I came across “Sonific” Songspot. With JP’s assistance, he was able to help me add the music you are hearing now (through Sonific) onto my side bar. When it comes to blogging, I’m quite limited in terms of all the fancy smanchy things that people have on their blogs . . . but I’m getting there. I never really knew what a widget was nor did I ever care to know but I know they’re there for something. Well I’m thrilled as can be now that I have Josh Groban’s “To Where You Are” playing . . . not the real McCoy but a tribute to him. Speaking of the song, this will always remind me of Nanay because I had played it so many times after her passing and of course, the prayer to St. Francis . . . “Make Me A Channel of Your Peace.”

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Since the hubs and I have been walking/jogging the lake on the weekends (although we don’t always go to the lake) for the past year, I’ve also been “watching” construction of the Cathedral of Christ the Light. Yesterday when we went did the lake (Toby included), I noticed that a majority of the glass panels have been constructed. As I recall, I think the completion of this cathedral is in Fall 2008. The Cathedral of Christ the Light will replace the St. Francis de Sales Cathedral which was damaged in the Loma Prieta Earthquake in October 1989. St. Francis de Sales was our parish growing up. I remember sometimes when my dad couldn’t go to church, my mom would take my brother and I to church . . . we’d “walk” to church. It wasn’t what you would call within walking distance but we did what we had to do to get to church. 😉 cathedral-1.jpg Taken in April 2007.

lake-011aa.jpg Taken December1, 2007

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